How Upbringing Shapes Who We Become

 This week, we wrapped up The Other Wes Moore, and during our group discussion the topic that stood out the most was how much parents shape the direction of a child’s life. We spent a lot of time comparing strict and lenient parenting styles, and how both can influence a child’s development, confidence, discipline, and even long-term choices. When I think about that, I naturally go back to my own upbringing. Growing up with Nigerian parents meant discipline was definitely part of the house, but it wasn’t discipline for no reason. It came with values, structure, and expectations, things that I didn’t always appreciate when I was younger, but now I understand how much they built me.

Compared to some of my age mates, I can see now how effective my parents’ style was for me. Their strictness wasn’t about control it was about shaping my mindset. They made sure I understood consequences, respected adults, was intelligent and put my best foot forward in everything, and I learned the importance of hard work. Even though people sometimes say I’m “spoiled,” that’s not the full story. My parents gave me stability, yes, but they also made sure I didn’t take anything for granted. They taught me to care for my things, present myself well, and never expect life to hand me everything. Those lessons stuck with me and still guide the way I move through the world.

We saw a similar influence in the book with Wes Moore. His mother provided discipline and firmness, even when it meant making hard decisions like sending him to military school. That environment was something he wouldn’t have gotten growing up in his hometown, but it ended up being the turning point in his life. The structure, consistency, and support he received helped him develop into someone who was focused, accomplished, and grateful for the guidance.

On the other hand, the other Wes Moore grew up with almost the opposite foundation. His father was absent, and his mother, even though she cared, didn’t have the tools or knowledge to redirect him. When she discovered he was hiding drugs in the house, she didn’t know how to handle it, and that lack of structure added to his growing sense of hopelessness. Without guidance, he slipped into dealing drugs, going in and out of jail, and believing that his future was already determined. His story wasn’t just about bad decisions it was about not having anyone consistently pushing him toward something better.

In our discussion, we also talked about how parenting doesn’t happen alone. A child’s environment, friends, neighbors, family, role models, matters just as much. Both Wes Moores were shaped heavily by the people around them, not just their parents. We acknowledged too that parents are learning as they go; it’s their first time being parents, and they won’t always get it right. Because of that, offering grace is important. Parenting is challenging, and most of them are doing the best they can with what they know.

For me, one of the strongest parts of my foundation came from my parents raising me in Christ. The people around us such as family, church, friends, all reflected the same values of prayer, faith, and relying on God. Spiritually, that gave me something solid to hold onto, and it continues to shape how I view life and make decisions. It reminds me that it really does take a village to raise a child, and we truly are products of our environment.